pre-AWP panic

So, AWP 2012. Chicago. It’s almost here.

And by “almost” I mean “practically already” and I’d be lying to you if I told you that I was only excited and not the least bit anxious, because there is a part of me that is terrified and suffocating.

But yes, I am excited.

I think the reason for the panic is that even though I’m a nice person (in both public and private) and a relatively outgoing one, I have an incredible amount of social anxiety and panic. I like meeting people, yes. But it also gives me breathing trouble. Perhaps this year out of all AWPs past is giving me trouble, because I actually feel like I know who some people are now.

There is a core group of people who I have already “met” (online or IRL, as it were) and that I feel somewhat more comfortable with. I cannot wait to hug them and/or shake their hands. Then there are the people that I totally adore and admire, that I have put on respective pedestals, and really want to meet without coming off like a total creeper.

Then again, I hugged Amy Whipple within 30 seconds of meeting her in Denver and we still keep in touch. So yeah.

And here’s the thing that I know about those people I adore and admire and hold up to the light: they are just people. And they’d probably let me shake their hand. Some would smile at me. Some might even let me hug them. I guess the bottom line is that once I meet these folks, I’ll be more comfortable. I think.

And let’s be honest, there are only so many extremely extroverted writers who congregate at AWP. The rest of us, well, it’s like prolonged torture in a way. A long-running marathon of social anxiety and panic, usually punctuated by lovely dinners and lunches and meetups with old and new friends.

Looking forward to seeing you all in Chicago (which means “please say hi to me, it will help ease my social panic”).